Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
