Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
