so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
