Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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