how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
