the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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