i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Randomize
