Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Randomize
