yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
