He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize
