She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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