OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
