Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
