idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
