I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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