My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
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