We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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