Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
