i just had sex bonerless
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
