sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize
