im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
