I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I don't want my vagina anymore.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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