oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
He felt like a one man threesome
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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