Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
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