The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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