So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
im about as happy as oj after his trial
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
