I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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