omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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