I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I just had sex on a roof
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
