Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
just tell him i said nine months
I wish i was in the wii world.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Everyone says I win the strip club
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
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