But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Randomize
