Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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