Don't make out with my wife yet
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
you had me at cake vodka
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Randomize
