Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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