I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
