just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
