He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
