My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
