you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
