Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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