soooo we both peed the bed last night...
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
