I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
