Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
