god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
