My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Can I color on your dick again?
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
