I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Randomize
