If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Randomize
