Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Randomize
