she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
