it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I didn't shave. On purpose
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Randomize
